During the last term of 2014, Jasper started swimming lessons. I would sit on the side of the pool, just like all the other parents, watching my little man struggle to keep up with his class members feeling terrible for him and feeling terrible within myself as I struggled through the first trimester of pregnancy.
Week after week he would do his best, yet seemed to be getting nowhere. Every week he would want to play after his class but I wasn’t comfortable letting him play in the water.
So, one week I wore my swimmers under my clothes. I thought I might pop in the pool with him, maybe. Mainly, I thought I wouldn’t and that it would not really be a big deal but at least I would be prepared if I was going to be crazy.
Class ended and he asked if he could stay in, as he always did but this time, instead of telling him a hot shower would be good, I took a deep breath and removed my dress and got in the pool. It was cold, there were people everywhere (not to mention parents I know from school!), I was practically naked and completely anxious. But, my boy? He was delighted. He laughed in pure joy and told anyone who would listen that mummy was getting in, too.
The last time I wore swimmers I was probably a child. Even as a teen I would swim in a big baggy top and long bike shorts, if I swam at all. Mostly, I would let my fear of how my body looked and the thought of other people seeing it stop me.
I waded my white, pregnant body into the water and I didn’t die. Nobody watching yelled terrible things at me or even vomited at the sight of my body.
YOU just saw me in swimmers and didn’t die
What did happen, though, was a transformation.
Jasper went from struggling swimmer to thriving fish – he’s actually quite the natural and I went from worrying what every other person poolside though of my swimmer clad body and me as a person to only caring that I was bringing such happiness to my child by doing something he loved.
Since first gingerly sticking my toes in the water I have spent more than three weeks solid in the pool with my children and it’s been good. Exhausting but good.
We have played and swum and learnt together. All three are worlds away in their abilities than they were when I started and their teacher has told me it is definitely because I get in with them.
There’s a part of me that is so sad that I spent so very long on the sidelines, depriving my children joy , fun and the chance to flourish all because of how I felt about my body and because I was worried I would embarrass my family.
Turns out, they don’t care how I look in swimmers – it doesn’t even cross their mind. They care that I am in there, with them having fun. Go figure.
Tell me about a time you stepped out of your comfort zone and didn’t die?
Linking up with Jess for #ibot
